


The Fear Loki Didn't See

by Rathian Empress (ANGRBODA69)



Series: The Fears of a Broken Mind [3]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Everyone is blind to the disturbedness on Loki and Fandral's relationship, F/M, Fandral is fake-nice, Kid Loki, Loki is raped a lot, M/M, Natasha gives Loki a shoulder to cry on, Natasha is very perceptive, Poor Loki, Predator/Child, Thor has no idea, YAY for Natasha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-03-16 10:06:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3484223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ANGRBODA69/pseuds/Rathian%20Empress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki tells Natasha the story of what happened to him as a child. What Fandral did to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fear Loki Didn't See

**Author's Note:**

> So basically this fic is mostly just Loki telling Natasha what happened between him and Fandral when they were younger. Just one big memory sequence with Loki stopping a few times to explain things.
> 
> Also, I am still not satisfied with this chapter, but I either post it now...or you wait another 2-3 weeks for it to be finished. Just seems a bit too long to me. But, can't decide what to take out. So? Eh? Who likes this compromise? Promise if I have any new ideas, I will put a AN in the next chapter telling you that I have made a few changes to the chapter.
> 
> ;)

"I wish for you to capture this on one of your Midgardian recording devices." Loki said, taking a sip of his whiskey. Natasha placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you sure?" she asked. He nodded.

"I do not wish to repeat this to anyone and if this should get out, I will deny it with every ounce of magic in my being." She nodded and pulled her cell phone from her pocket.

"No matter what, you mustn't let Thor hear it. Never." he said and she nodded without question, seeing the depth of pain in his eyes. She opened the recording app and spoke into the microphone, saying the date before she set it between them.

"Whenever you're ready Loki." she said. He took a deep breath as he picked up his discarded joint.

"As I was saying...I was seven when I first met Fandral."

* * *

_Loki looked up from the book he was reading, glaring at Thor for interrupting his reading. He sat in his chambers reading the spell book his mother had given him to study for tomorrow's magic lesson. Thor was in an excited mood for some reason._

_"Brother! You must come meet my friends. They have wanted to meet you for the longest time. I have told them all about you and they are most eager to meet you. They are splendid!" Thor said excitedly. Loki rolled his eyes. Even at the age of seven, Loki was still much more intelligent than Thor who was twelve. Loki was always getting Thor out of trouble too. The task of being the younger brother to Thor was quite tiring at times._ _Loki sighed._

_"No. Leave me alone. I wish to read." he said. Thor crossed his arms._

_"You know mother would not like it if she found out all you do is read all day. You need to go outside some time. You are already pale enough as it is." Loki shot a dirty look at Thor. He hated it when he pointed out his unusual pallor. He was the palest person in Asgard, he was sure._

_"I have a terrace. If I wish to go outside I will use it." Thor stared at him._ _  
_

_"Do you think mother would approve of such reasoning?" he asked. Loki sighed, closing the book with a sharp snap. He rolled off the chaise lounge and went over to the taller boy._

_"Oh alright. I suppose it could not hurt to at least meet them. Then I am coming back to my room." Loki grumbled unhappily. Thor smiled and picked him up and put him over his shoulder._

_"Put me down you great oaf! I have legs." Loki pounded his small fists against Thor's back as his brother walked. Thor chuckled._

_"I fear that if I put you down, those puny things you call legs would not be able to support your weight." Loki wriggled in Thor's grasp, trying to get away._

_"Let me go Thor. I will not allow you to degrade me like this." Thor shook so hard with laughter, he had to put his little brother down. As soon as he was free, Loki smoothed out his clothes and kicked Thor as hard as he could in the ankle. Thor yelped in pain._

_"Don't do that again. You know I hate it when you do that." Thor grimaced at the slight pain, but continued to smile._

_"Oh come here Loki. I am sorry. Do you forgive me?" he asked, pulling Loki into a hug. Loki struggled for a few seconds, then stood still._

_"_ _Ok. But don't do it again. If you do, I shall turn you into a worm for a month." he threatened. Thor began laughing again and Loki scowled. He hadn't gotten that far in his magic and Thor knew it._

_He would have to work on his threats later._

* * *

"Well...that doesn't seem so bad. You got mad at Thor for doing something you didn't like. Nothing's wrong with that." Natasha said. Loki stared at the wall, slowly smoking his joint.

"Quiet Lady Romanov. I am not yet finished." the god told her. She nodded and sat back.

"That was the day I met Fandral for the first time. And I liked him. Believe it or not, he was a beautiful and kind boy. Once."

* * *

_Loki sighed as Thor led him from the comfort of his chambers. Loki was to meet Thor's friends. He sighed again, this time inwardly. He hoped Thor's friends weren't as reckless as him._

_After Thor told one of the servants to bring them some food, they went to Thor's private chambers. Specifically, his bedroom. Apparently, he wanted to show his friends some prized weapon of his. Loki tried to recall which one it was this time. Maybe a war mace. Thor was quite fond of heavy weapons used to crush skulls._ _Loki shuddered. Skull crushing had never appealed to him the same way it had to Thor._

_Loki had seen his brother's room plenty of times. It's walls were often cluttered with dangerous looking weapons and his bed was hardly ever made, even though the servants came to make it everyday._

_"Here it is. I kept her secreted away. Just like father said. But, I don't think he'd mind if I took it out just once before the ceremony. Don't you think so Loki?" Thor asked with a grin. Loki rolled his eyes._

_"Of course Thor." he replied automatically. Thor was going to take the weapon out anyway no matter what Loki said. Besides that, he himself was curious as to what it actually looked like._

_The dwarves who had made the weapon for the future king of Asgard had been quite excited. But nothing for Loki. He didn't really mind. Thor was first born. First borns always got the most attention._

_Loki held his breath as Thor uncovered the hammer._

_"_ _Wow." he breathed. It was plain but...breathtakingly beautiful. He could already feel the power emitting from it._

_"I am to name her at the ceremony on my 16th name day. Father says the name will come when the time is right, but, it does not seem so." Thor shook his head, picking the hammer up._

_"Don't worry Thor. I am sure you will choose the perfect name. Just relax." Loki encouraged. Thor nodded, smiling again._

_"_  C _ome brother. Let us show my new hammer to our friends." he said. Loki followed after him._

 _"_ _They are_ your _friends Thor. I have yet to learn their names." Thor smiled and pushed Loki ahead of him._ _Three faces looked up at the entryway as Loki pushed back against Thor._

_"Stop it Thor. Do not rush me." Loki hissed over his shoulder._

_Thor waited impatiently while Loki carefully straightened his tunic and smoothed back his hair. After he was satisfied that nothing was out of place, he entered the room._

_Loki surveyed the four people already there. They stared at him from where they were sitting. Loki was surprised that one of them was female. She wasn't even wearing a dress. He thought that odd._

_"Loki, these are my friends. Volstagg, Hogun, Fandral and Sif. Say hello Loki." Thor urged. Loki studied each person as they were introduced. He wrinkled his nose as he watched Volstagg tear into a platter of boar. He ate as if he were starving, which was not possible since he was even larger than all of them put together._

_"Hello...Thor's friends." Loki said, turning to his brother._

_"May I leave now? I still have lessons to practice." Thor groaned._

_"Enough with the lessons Loki. We are going exploring soon. Why don't you stay and get to know our friends while I tend to the preparations." Loki snorted._

_"Absolutely not. You only said I had to meet them. Not converse with them. I have more important things to do than waste my time talking."  He eyed them again, critical as ever. 'They look like imbeciles.' he thought to himself. Thor looked over at him._

_"What could you have to do that would be more important than getting to know new people?" Thor asked. Loki continued to glare at Thor._

_"My magic you stupid ogre! It is important that I learn everything I can as soon as I can, and fooling around doing nothing does not contribute to it." Loki huffed. He turned to leave._

_"You know how to use magic?" the blond boy asked him. Loki turned, narrowing his green eyes._

_"Yes." he replied slowly. Fandral smiled._

_"Aren't you a little young?" he asked. Loki scowled._

_"My mother says I am quite advanced in my studies and have a higher aptitude for the craft." Loki looked down at his feet nervously. He always got nervous when he felt someone was going to start making fun of his magic just because he was a boy. They always did._

_"Well, I think that's wonderful. You must be very smart to learn all those spells. And very strong too. I hear some of those spells can be very dangerous." Loki stared at Fandral, startled. The older boy smiled a bit, his gray eyes holding onto Loki's green._

_"Thank you." Loki said quietly. He backed out of the room nervously, twisting his fingers in the sleeves of his robes._

_"Perhaps I will visit tomorrow, but I really must be getting back to my studies." Loki fled back to his room as soon as he was out of sight._

_For the first time in his life, Loki felt he actually had a friend._

* * *

_Loki nudged Thor's bedroom door open and stepped inside. His brother looked up as he approached._

_"Loki, is something wrong?" he asked, pulling on his leather armor. He and his friends were going camping in Vanaheim today._ _Loki shuffled closer._

_"I wish to accompany you and your friends to Vanaheim." he stated. Thor smiled._

_"That is wonderful! I will go tell mother so she will not worry." he said. Loki stopped him._

_"No need. I already did." Thor laughed and patted Loki's back, almost knocking him to the floor in the effort. Thor was still growing into his strength and tended to forget it sometimes._

_"Sorry." Thor said. Loki nodded, grimacing at the pain spreading in his knees._

_"When are we leaving?" Loki asked._

_"This afternoon. We will give the horses time to be saddled. When we are ready, Heimdal will open the Bifrost for us and we will be on our way." Loki smiled a bit._

_"Where is Fandral?" he asked. Thor grinned._

_"Do you like Fandral?" he asked. Loki nodded._

_"He...seems nice." Loki said._ _"And he didn't make fun of my magic." he admitted._

_"Ah, well..." Thor ran a hand through his hair. Loki looked up into his eyes._

_"Some people do not think it is proper for a male to practice magic. They say it is a women's craft. Is...is that true?" he asked. Thor shook his head. "No Loki. You needn't worry about that." he told his little brother. Loki frowned._

_"But, father says-" Thor sighed._

_"Father says what he says because he is king and his duty is to please the people. He did not mean it." Thor assured him. Loki nodded._

_"Alright. Can you tell me where Fandral is now?" he asked hopefully. Thor smiled._

_"He and Volstagg are down in the kitchens overseeing the preparations for the food we will be taking. Well...the food is for Volstagg. The rest of us will hunt for our meals." Loki smiled._

_"Thanks Thor!" Thor chuckled as Loki ran off in search of Fandral._

* * *

_Volstagg crossed his arms over his chest as he tried to decide what he wanted to bring on the trip. Fandral watched him from the corner he is leaning against._

_"This is unnecessary. We're going to be hunting anyway." he said. Volstagg waved him away._

_"You know my appetite. I will starve on those small rabbits in Vanaheim." Fandral rolled his eyes._

_"Perhaps that would not be such a bad idea. Then your stomach would shrink and you would eat less. Save a family of boars I say." he joked._   _L_ _oki entered the kitchen._

_"Hello." he said quietly. Both boys looked over at him. Fandral smiled and came over to him._

_"Hello Loki. What brings you to the kitchens?" he asked, squatting down. Loki smiled at him._

_"Thor said I could come with you to Vanaheim. He's not doing anything and I guess I wanted to hang out with you guys. I have nothing else to do." Loki said, twisting his sleeves. He frowned, forcing his hands to his sides. Mother said wrinkling one's robes was a terrible habit. Volstagg looked at him closely._

_"You don't eat much do you?" he asked, looking the small boy up and down. Loki smiled, shaking his head._

_"Not really. If that's what worries you, then I have a few small spells to produce food. Sometimes. I'm still learning." he said shyly. Volstagg nodded to himself._

_"Good. More food for me." Fandral scoffed._

_"Volstagg, you can't eat_ everything _while we're on the trip. We'll have to hunt the entire forest to keep you satisfied." he admonished. The larger boy again, waved him away. Fandral sighed and turned to Loki._

_"Hey, do you want to see something cool?" he asked. Loki nodded. Fandral took his hand and led him out of the kitchen._

_"Come on. Volstagg's going to be a while here. He always takes a long time."_

_Fandral took Loki's hand and led him from the kitchen to through the long corridors of the palace._

_"Where are we going?" Loki asked. Fandral smiled._

_"I have a sword in my chambers. You do like swords don't you?" he asked. Loki nodded eagerly._

_"Good. I'll explain it more about it once you see it."_

_When they reached the blond boy's chambers, Fandral pushed the gold doors open and led Loki inside. They passed through the sitting areas first to get to Fandral's bedroom. Loki was too excited to stand until so he just twisted his robes in his hands in anticipation. He forgot what his mother had said. He tried to busy himself with looking around Fandral's room._

_He was much cleaner that he'd expected. Not like Thor. Loki smiled. He liked Fandral even more now._

_Fandral drew a copper key from within his shirt and used it to unlock the chest sitting over in the corner of the room. He bent down and pushed it into the lock. After rummaging around in the chest, he pulled out a long silver case. He placed it on the bed and drew another key from his shirt, this time silver. He unlocked the case and motioned Loki over. Loki peered inside the box and let out an excited gasp when he saw what was inside._

_"My father gave me this sword on my tenth name day. He told me that since I was to be a man, I should have a man's weapon." He held it out to Loki and let him stroke the blade. Loki looked down at his feet._

_"My father never got me anything." he said quietly. Fandral knelt down in front of him._

_"I'm sure he still cares for you greatly. Sometimes fathers show their love in ways too subtle to be noticed." he assured the boy. Tears welled up in Loki's eyes._

_"He always gets Thor everything. Whenever I ask to help him with things, he never has time for me. Everything is always about Thor." Fandral smiled and pulled Loki into a hug._

_"I am sure your father loves you greatly. Perhaps one day when you are older, you will see that. Perhaps he is just waiting for the right time." Loki nodded and wiped his tears on his sleeve, sniffing._

_"Come now. Let us see if Volstagg has left us any food. Those poor cooks. I worry for them." Loki smiled and grabbed Fandral's hand._

* * *

_Loki sat atop the horse he'd been given. He had named her Nepja Sól. It roughly translated to Cold Sun from the Norse dialect. She was the most beautiful horse he'd ever seen._

_At Thor's word, they all spurred their horses on toward the Bifrost. Loki looked back at Frigga who was standing on the stairs, watching them as they left. She waved to him and he waved back. He knew she would worry for him. But, he told her that Thor and his friends would take good care of him._

_After going through the bridge and crossing into Vanaheim, they went about setting up a place to a place to camp for the night._

_"You think we'll find any dragons?" Fandral asked. Thor grinned._

_"Who knows. They're probably hibernating now. Especially the fire dragons. Once it gets too cool, their fire starts to disappear. It takes a lot of heat for them to be comfortable." Volstagg grumbled and brushed off a beetle crawling up his arm. He was still mad about not being able to bring his already prepared sacks of food._

_"Come now Volstagg. Do not be angry. If we had let you bring all that food then you would not have experienced the fullness of hunting in the wilderness." Thor said. Fandral smiled and patted Volstagg's belly._

_"Don't worry friend. We'll fatten you up once we return to Asgard." he promised. That made Volstagg smile a bit. Thor grinned._

_"Then we'll roast him!" he shouted. T_ _he other boys laughed loudly at the joke._ _Volstagg frowned again, picking up a stick and throwing it at Thor's forehead. He missed. They laughed even harder._

_Not long after, they came to a clearing. Thor announced that they would rest here for the night after they set up a few snares to catch some food for dinner. The older boys dismounted and went about setting up camp. Loki didn't move, swinging his legs back and forth. He was starting to regret choosing such a big horse. He looked at the others, then at the ground._

_"What are you doing Loki? Come help us look for fire wood." Thor said. Loki grimaced._

_"Must you always be in a hurry Thor?" he demanded. Thor frowned but said nothing else. If Loki wished to stay on the horse, then he wasn't going to force him to get off._

_In reality, Loki was stuck. He should have listened to his brother when he said it would be too big. He always hated it when Thor turned out to be right. Luckily, it was a rarity._

_Fandral came over to him._

_"Is something wrong?" he asked quietly. Loki glared at Thor._

_"I am afraid I am unable to get down." he mumbled. Fandral smiled._

_"Well, I'm sure I can help you with that. Just drop down and I'll catch you." he said. Loki hesitated._

_"Don't worry. I'm not going to drop you. I promise." Fandral told him. Loki nodded and pulled his leg over so that he was sitting side saddle. He pushed himself off and into Fandral's arms._

_"There. That wasn't so bad was it?" he asked. Loki shook his head, chewing the inside of his lip._

_"Come on. Let's see if we can catch some fish. I think I saw a stream over there." Loki frowned._

_"What are we going to fish with?" he asked. Fandral smiled._

_"With our hands. We'll grab them from the water as they swim by. But we have to be very, very still and very, very quick." he advised. Loki nodded excitedly._

* * *

Loki paused for a moment, blowing smoke from his mouth. He frowned, biting his lip.

"I thought he was just being nice to me. I thought he was my friend." he whispered. Natasha came closer and placed a hand on his back.

"It's what people like him do Loki. They lure you in with a false sense of security. Then when you trust them, they make their move. But they always go after the innocent. The weak. It wasn't your fault Loki. You were just a child." He shook his head.

"I should have..." He stood and began to pace slowly.

"Do you want to continue?" Natasha asked him. Loki nodded slowly.

"You already know too much already." he said. She smiled. He didn't.

"Yeah, well that's why I'm a spy. I find out things. That's what I'm good at." Loki smoothed out his hair before sitting back down.

"Do you still want to continue?" Natasha asked. He nodded, taking in a shaky breath.

"Yes. I must. Telling you this much has already helped me a lot." he admitted.

* * *

_Loki laughed as Fandral splashed water on his face._

_"Stop it Fandral! I'm already wet enough." he complained happily. Fandral smiled, giving Loki an odd look._

_"You certainly are." he said quietly. Loki grinned as he quickly splashed Fandral back and took off running. He snatched up his fish and ran back to the camp site. He could hear Fandral laughing as he followed._

_Thor looked up as Loki skidded to a halt at the edge of the tree line. He proudly stepped into the light of the fire and presented his fish._

_"Fandral and I caught some fish." he said excitedly. Thor smiled._

_"Well done Loki. I am sure that when these are cooked, they will be delicious." he complimented. Loki beamed._

_Fandral placed his own fish down beside Loki's and sat down on a log. He began to unpack supplies to to prepare the fish. He glanced at Thor who was hugging his little brother._

_"I am sure you will make a fine woodsman one day. When you are older, I will let you hunt with me." he promised. Loki frowned._

_"How much older?" he asked._

_"Perhaps in a few years. At least when you can fit a full grown horse." he added. Loki glanced at Fandral, glaring. The man put his hands up._

_"Hey I didn't tell him. I swear to the Norns." he said. Loki frowned and turned back to Thor._

_"Alright. I guess I can wait until then." he said. Thor smiled._

_"Great! Now let's get ready for supper."_

* * *

_Loki laid back on the fur he'd brought with him and curled up on his side._

_He was happy to be camping with Thor, but he had not expected the temperatures to drop so much. He shivered a bit and wrapped the fur tighter._

_"Are you ok?" he heard Fandral ask. Loki turned his head to look at him._

_"_ _Yes." he answered. Fandral nodded._

_"You're not cold or anything right? Sometimes in the spring, Vanaheim gets colder than usual because of the separating of the moons." he told him. Loki chewed his lip._

_"Well...I_ am _a bit cold." he admitted. Fandral nodded and climbed over him._

_"Come here. If we sleep together, then we will be warm." he said. Loki nodded slowly before untangling himself from the furs to allow Fandral inside. Fandral pulled the boy close and wrapped them both up._

_"Better?" he asked. Loki nodded, smiling._

_"...thank you." he said quietly. He sighed when the older boy stroked his hair._

_"You can ask me for anything you know." he said. Loki nodded sleepily, holding back a yawn._

_"Ok." he mumbled._

_With all the warmth wrapped around him, he couldn't help falling sound asleep with his new best friend._

* * *

_Loki woke up before all of them. To him, it was second nature. He always woke up early to practice his magic. His mother had told him that it was easier to learn new magic the closer it was practiced to the setting of the moon._

_He stretched and tried to roll over. Something was holding him down. He frowned, trying to wiggle free. Behind him, Fandral groaned. Loki sighed and began poking the boy in the ribs. Fandral rolled away from the assault in his sleep, just as Loki had expected._

_After he relieved himself, Loki came back to the camp. Fandral was up._

_"Where did you go?" he demanded. Loki frowned._

_"I relieved myself. I don't see why that would be such a big deal." he shrugged. Fandral sighed._

_"I'm sorry Loki. It's just that Thor would be very angry with me should anything happen to you. There are dangers out here that ramain hidden. And this is your first time camping." he said. Loki nodded._

_"I'm hungry. Let's wake your brother and the others up and eat." he suggested. Loki smiled._

_"Ok." he said mischievously._

_Thor came awake with a start. He wiped at the wetness on his face, frowning. Loki stood over him, holding a bowl over his head._

_"Good morning Thor." he said, smiling widely. Thor flopped back onto the ground and let out a weary moan._

_"Loooki!" he said. Loki grinned, jumping away as Thor made a grab for his ankle. Minutes later, Fandral cried out in pain as Sif hit him in the head with her shield._

_"You stupid ass!" she snarled, trying to tie her sopping wet hair back. She stormed away angrily muttering about killing Fandral later. Fandral looked over at Loki and smiled as he rubbed the side of his head. Loki smiled back._

_"Breakfast is ready." Loki said to Thor. He went over and nudged Volstagg with his foot. The large boy didn't move, but, only snored louder if that was even possible. Loki began to shake him awake._

_"Come on, get up Volstagg!" he screamed in his ear. Volstagg continued to sleep on. Loki frowned and sat down. He looked at Thor, who was shaking his head._

_"That's not the way to do it." he said. Loki sighed._

_"Well_ you _wake him up then." Thor nodded, wagging a finger at his little brother._

_He went over to the pot Loki had set up and scooped some of the contents out into a bowl. It was the boar he and Volstagg had caught last night to eat for breakfast. He noticed that a few spices had been added for flavor. He smiled and walked over to Volstagg and held the contents under his nose. The boy sat up immediately, sniffing the air._

_"Mmmm..." he moaned. He opened his eyes, eyeing the item of interest in Thor's hand._

_"Breakfast." he said. Volstagg nodded sleepily and took the bowl, digging in hungrily. Thor sighed and went to make himself a bowl of food._

_Loki watched him as he ate._

_"Do you like it?" the younger prince asked. Thor nodded._

_"What did you put in it?" he asked. Loki smiled shyly._

_"A few herbs for taste and to cut the fat. I figured you'd appreciate that since you're getting a bit pudgy around the middle." Thor scoffed as Loki snickered behind his hand._

_"I am perfectly fit." he protested. But, he couldn't help his hand straying down to pinch his stomach._

* * *

_They camped for another week before they began packing up to return to Asgard. Loki was saddened to leave._

_"Do not worry brother. We will soon return home again where you can read all the books you desire." he promised. Loki sighed._

_"Are you going to be camping again any time soon?" he asked. Thor nodded._

_"We have started doing it every month." he told him. Loki stared down at his saddle._

_"_ _Can I still come with you when you do?" he asked hopefully. Thor grinned._

 _"Of course Loki. Having you around this past week has brought me more joy than you can imagine. I am grateful to have shared this experience with you." Loki blushed._ _  
_

_"Shut up Thor." he said slowly._

_"You're starting to sound stupid again."_

_Thor and the others burst out laughing._

* * *

**_2 years later..._ **

_Loki sighed, studying the map in his hands._

_"Where to now brother?" Thor asked. Loki frowned and looked at the map again._

_"Where in Helheim did you get this map Thor?" Loki demanded. "_ _It's all wrong." he said. Thor snorted._

_"How would you know? You've never_ been _to Svartlfheim before." he countered. Loki glanced over his shoulder at his brother, smirking._

_"You don't know that." he purred. Thor paled._

_"Impossible. You would have had to learn dark magic to create a portal powerful enough to transport an entire person through it without killing them." Loki sighed._

_"You are getting too smart for my liking Thor. Go back to being a mindless twit once in a while, ok?" he grinned. Thor smiled, clapping his brother on the back and taking a look at the map._

_"This should be where the pass lies." he said. Loki scowled._

_"Well it is not. Either your friend got the map wrong, or_ I _am reading it wrong." His eyes met Thor's._

_"And we both know how well I am with reading a map." he said. The blond god nodded._

_"Alright. Maybe there has been a mistake. But we do not have to let this ruin our adventure." Loki sighed._

_"I say we continue on, and if we do not find the pass, then we call Heimdal." Thor suggested. Loki waited for the others to agree before giving his consent. 'Why do I bother with these people?' he asked himself as he followed._

_"Hey." Fandral said, running up beside him. Loki folded the map up and tucked it into his pack. It was useless now._

_"What is it Fandral?" he asked._

_"Do you think Heimdal knows where we are?" the warrior asked. Loki shook his head._

_"I cast a cloaking spell upon us so he would not be able to locate us." Loki grinned. "_ _You do not know how angry our parents would be if they were to discover that we have ventured into_ _Svartlfheim alone. They fear we will not be able to defend ourselves against the Dark Elves." Fandral nodded._

_"Which we probably won't." he mumbled. Loki shot him a look._

_"I'll have you now that I am a very adept sorcerer for my age. I could kill someone you know." Fandral laughed._

_"Sure you can." he said. He ruffled Loki's hair and ran off to the front of the group. Loki glared at his back. "Stop touching my hair or I will turn you into a worm!" he screamed._

_Everyone else laughed, used to Loki's bursts of outrage._

* * *

_Loki kicked a rock over the edge of a cliff and watched it fall into the pit. Three days later, and they were_ still _lost. Damn Thor. Damn him and his pride to bowels of Helheim._

_"We're lost Thor." he said once again. He heard his brother scoff._

_"Nonsense Loki. Must you always be so cynical?" he asked. Loki gave a small snort._

_"When the Realms give me a reason not to be, then there will be no reason for my continuing to be so, and I will stop." he snapped back. He ran a hand through his hair, sighing tiredly._ _They had been walking all day. Damn Thor for not letting them bring horses._

_"Thor, whether you like it or not, I am stopping for the night. You may continue on without me." Loki summoned his sleeping bag and furs with his magic and laid them down on the ground. He looked at Thor expectantly, who was watching him as he unpacked._

_"Don't just stand there Thor. Stay or leave. I will catch up with you in the morning." he promised. Thor sighed in defeat and motioned for the others to gather around._

_"We shall camp here for the night and continue on at dawn. We will find this treasure yet. I swear it." he said. Loki rolled his eyes and tied his hair back._

_"I'm going back to that stream to wash this dirt off." he said. Thor had insisted the dust storm wouldn't be that big. Just a little one he had said. Loki did not think spitting dust out of his mouth counted as a_ little _storm._

_Thor nodded and began setting up their dinner, leaving Loki to wander off to bathe._

_At the sound of foot steps, Loki looked behind him to see Fandral following. He shrugged._

_"I guess getting clean wouldn't be so bad. I hope you don't mind me joining you. I know you don't like the bath houses so I promise not to get too close." he grinned. Loki smiled._

_"Of course not. I just hate it that Thor is always fooling around in them. You can never just relax with him." he said. Fandral nodded._

_Loki stripped off his specially made armor and hung it on a low hanging branch. He glanced over at Fandral who was doing the same._

_"Would you like me to wash your back?" Loki joked. Fandral smiled._

_"Only if I can wash yours." the older boy replied, his eyes glowing brightly._

* * *

Natasha sat, waiting for Loki to say something. After several long moments, he let out the breath he'd been holding.

"Is...that when it happened?" she asked. He shook his head.

"It was later that night. I guess...he misunderstood my my joke." he said quietly. Natasha nodded.

"Yeah." was all she said.

* * *

_Later that night, Loki got up to relieve himself. Again. He shouldn't have accepted that ale Thor had given him. He looked around. It had to be at least around 1 am. Probably not. He knew that time was different in some Realms._

_He quickly found a spot and loosened his breeches. He sighed in relief as the pressure began to leave his bladder._

_"Again Loki?" He turned, seeing Fandral in the shadows of a tree._

_"Well, don't blame me. Thor gave me the ale." he grumbled. In the darkness, he could tell Fandral was smiling. The boy's teeth were a dazzling white that could be seen in the darkest dungeons of Muspelheim._

_Loki sighed, waiting for the stream of urine to slow._

_"You know I've always liked you Loki." he began. Loki nodded tiredly._

_"And I like you too Fandral." he replied. He really hated Thor right now. He heard Fandral come closer._

_"If you have to go too, don't you dare splash me. These are the most comfortable sleeping clothes I have fit for camping." he warned. He felt a sudden warmth behind him. A hand wrapped around his middle._

_"How long Loki?" he asked. Loki frowned._

_"What do you mean?" the young prince asked, paying no attention to the limb. Fandral often liked to grab others that way. Mostly when he and Thor horsed around. He hoped the boy at least waited until he was finished. Instead, Fandral chuckled and leaned close to his ear._

_"How long have you wanted me?" he asked huskily. Loki jerked in surprise. He was quite calm for a boy of his age. His mother always told him he was just very prepared, expecting for anything to happen. He hadn't been expecting_ that _.  
_

_Loki let out a nervous laugh, shaking himself like Thor had taught him and lacing his trousers back up. He squatted down at the stream and washed his hands in the water with some jemin leaves to take care of any germs._

_"You are very funny Fandral. I have always admired you for your ability to make a joke out of anything." Loki shook his hands dry and went around his friend. He paused when a hand closed around his wrist. He tried to pull his hand back to him, but it wouldn't budge._

_"Fandral...what are you doing? We must really get back to sleep. We are to leave at dawn." he said. He could hear how heavily Fandral was breathing. It was beginning to worry him._

_"Are you alright? I am quite good at healing spells. I can treat you of any illness you have. Perhaps you should sit down." he said. He conjured a small ball of light to see his friend better._

_Fandral's pupils were twice their normal size and his mouth was open slightly. He was panting like a dog in heat. It was the same look Thor got when he fantasized about the older, beautiful brothel women. Or when Volstagg saw a piece of food he couldn't help but stare at._

_He saw the looks in the eyes of the soldiers when they returned from battle, eyeing the captured women they held. He had never known what made them look like that. He feared that look in Fandral's eyes now._

_"What in Helheim is wrong with you?" Loki demanded, attempting to pull his arm back. He let out a surprised squeak when Fandral slammed him against the tree. He pushed Fandral away when he tried to kiss him._

_"Fandral stop this madness! Stop this now!" Loki yelled. He struggled as Fandral forced him down onto the ground and covered his body with his own. The other boy was too heavy to push off, so Loki tried to squirm out from beneath him. That apparently was the wrong thing to do._

_Fandral groaned above him and latched onto his neck._

_"F-Fandral, what are you doing?" Loki asked. The older boy above him ground his pelvis against Loki's leg. The young sorcerer could feel Fandral's arousal through his clothes._

_"I've waited so long for this." Fandral groaned. He pushed himself up onto his knees and began to remove his shirt. Loki scrabbled at the dirt to pull himself away._

_"Fandral, we must talk. We can talk to Thor. Perhaps you have just eaten a bad piece of boar and now you are not in your right mind. I-I can..." Fandral grabbed the back of his tunic and dragged him back._

_"Fandral please let me go! You are frightening me. You are my friend. You would not do this to me. Please release me!" Loki begged as Fandral forced his arms beneath him. He sat on Loki's chest to keep him in place. Loki squirmed, trying to get away._

_Loki watched in horror as Fandral unlaced his breeches and pulled his half erect cock from their confines. He turned his head away when it was thrust into his face._

_"Open your mouth you little slut." he growled. Loki sobbed, shaking his head._

_"Please don't do this Fandral. If you do...Thor will know." he said desperately. Fandral smiled._

_"No he won't. You know why?" he paused, as if waiting for Loki's response._

_"Because if you tell Thor, then he will kill me. You know what happens to murderers in Asgard. Even a prince is not above the law."_

_Loki was crying now. He didn't want his brother to die because of him. He pressed his lips together tightly when he felt the tip of Fandral's manhood at his lips. Seeing that Loki was not going to comply, he gripped the boy's throat and squeezed as hard as he could._

_Loki's eyes widened. Fandral was going to kill him. He couldn't risk Loki telling on him, so he was going to_ kill _him. Tears welled up in his eyes as the realization hit him._

_He'd always thought Fandral to be his friend. Now he knew the truth._

_He whimpered as Fandral tore at his tunic Loki tried to push his hands away._

_"Fandral please..." he whispered against the pressure on his throat. He jerked as Fandral slapped him._

_"I am tired of you teasing me, Loki. I know you've wanted me since the first day we met. I've seen the way you looked at me. How you haven't been able to stay away from me these past years. Your spell of seduction has worked Loki. Now it is time to claim your reward."  he said darkly_.  _Loki struggled as Fandral turned him over onto his stomach._

_"I...I thought you a friend." Loki said. Fandral smiled._

_"I am your friend Loki. I am giving you what you need. You have always been so pretty Loki. And now I have you all to myself."_

_Loki continued to lash out as Fandral pulled his trousers off._

_"This need not go further Fandral. I won't tell anyone if you stop." Loki begged. He tried to get away from Fandral again, but the boy was at least three times his weight. He was trapped. His only hope was that Fandral would have a change of heart and stop this madness. Or someone would come and see them._

_As Fandral managed to pull his pants down to his knees, Loki began to panic. Fandral was actually going to do this. He was going to rape him. As what was happening actually set in, Loki began to scream._

_"Thor! Thor help me pl-" Fandral clamped a hand tightly over his mouth._

_"Quiet." Fandral hissed. Loki jerked his head to the side and bit down on his hand as hard as he could. Fandral cursed and slammed Loki's head into the hard ground._

_"Damn you Loki!" He gripped Loki's throat again, cutting off the boy's air supply. Loki clawed at the hand around his throat, desperate for air. He was starting to see black dots dance across his vision. A strangled choking sound came from his throat._

_"Shhh. It's going to be ok Loki. You'll see." Tears streamed down Loki's cheeks as he struggled for air. His face was already numb and his fingers were starting to get numb too._

_Loki's mind barely registered it as he faintly felt something nudging between his buttocks._

_"This might hurt a bit." Fandral said, his voice echoing dimly throughout Loki's head. Loki struggled to comprehend what had been said. 'What was going to hurt?'_

_Fandral released his throat as he thrust. The pain was a shock and he couldn't help but suck in air instead of screaming from the pain. He heard Fandral moan behind him, moving his hips._

_Loki screamed again. He couldn't access his magic. There was too much pain. He wished he'd never cast that cloaking spell now. Maybe then, Heimdal would have sent someone to help him._

* * *

Loki wiped the tears on his cheeks away with the back of his hand.

"I've never felt so helpless until then." he said. Natasha pulled his head onto her shoulder.

"It's hard when they're close to you." she said. Loki could only nod against her neck.

"You know you can stop any time you want to Loki." she said. Loki shook his head as he sat back up.

"No. I-I wish to continue." he said. Natasha nodded. Loki wiped his eyes again, looking at the clock. He paled, standing up.

"Y-you must leave now." he urged. She frowned.

"Why? Is something wrong?" she asked. He swallowed.

"It is almost 10 o'clock." he told her. She shrugged.

"So what. Are you tired?" she asked. He shook his head.

"I did not realize the time. If Fandral finds out what I've told you...he's not a nice man Natasha. Please leave now. Visit me in the morning." he said. Natasha frowned.

"Are you afraid Fandral might come visit you tonight?" she asked. He nodded.

"He comes every night." he whispered.

"Loki, no. I can't leave you with him. He'll hurt you." she said. He smiled.

"I know. But I can defend myself. If you fight him, then he will kill you. I do not wish to risk that. You are my only friend." he said.

"Loki...everyone here is your friend." she said. Loki shook his head.

"You're the only one I trust." he said. She nodded.

"Alright. I'll go. But, if you get hurt or anything I won't be able to keep this to myself." Loki ran a hand through his hair.

"Don't tell Thor. Please Norns, not Thor." he pleaded.

* * *

Loki sat quietly on the sofa, waiting. He knew Fandral would be up at any moment and didn't want to be caught by surprise.

After two hours of waiting, Fandral finally made an appearance. Loki stayed silent as he approached.

"Well aren't you eager to begin? Quite a nice turn of events." he said, reaching down to touch the god's hair. Loki turned his face away.

"Do not touch me." he hissed. Fandral smiled.

"Of course. Always playing hard to get." Loki refused to look at the man. He felt sick just being around him.

Fandral sat on the arm of the sofa.

"So are we doing this the easy way or the hard way?" he asked. Loki curled into a ball on the sofa, trying to shut him out. Fandral sighed.

"Do you like that? I heard it in one of those moving picture things called films here." Loki said nothing.

"I guess it is to be the hard way then." he half groaned. He wrestled Loki to the floor and pinned him there.

"Why must you always be so difficult?" Fandral asked breathlessly. Loki struggled under him.

"I hate you!" Loki snarled, spitting in his face. Fandral wiped it off on his sleeve. As soon as his hand was free, Loki clawed at Fandral's face with all his might. The other man hissed at the stinging cuts left across his cheek.

Loki grunted as Fandral punched him in the stomach. He lay there gasping for air, slightly dazed. Fandral wiped at the blood trickling down his face, cursing.

"Oh you are going to regret that." he promised, placing his hand over Loki's throat. Loki's eyes widened as Fandral pressed down on his trachea. He choked, still trying to breathe.

He suddenly felt like a child again, being held down as Fandral fucked him brutally for the hundredth time. He sobbed as he realized he couldn't move. His body wasn't listening to him anymore. His mouth was the only part of him that worked.

"Fandral, no...please." he chocked. Fandral smiled, kissing his neck.

"So beautiful under me." he mumbled against the god's neck.

Loki passed out, Fandral's hand still on his neck.

* * *

_Loki rolled away from Fandral, shivering. He hurt all over. He couldn't stop shaking. Everything hurt so badly. He sobbed quietly as he listened to the other boy to pull on his clothes._

_"I'm sorry Loki. I didn't mean it." Fandral whispered. Loki squeezed his eyes shut. "Leave me alone." he said in a pained voice. Fandral nodded._

_"I hope we can still be friends." he said._

_Loki cried silently._

* * *

Natasha eyed Fandral as he cheerfully greeted her the next morning. She didn't miss the red line of scratches on his face.

"You look well rested this morning Fandral. I trust your night was pleasant?" she asked. He smiled.

"Yes, well...I slept well." he answered.

Natasha used the stairs to get up to Loki's floor, still not trusting the elevator. She looked around, making sure the place was empty.

"Loki?" she said quietly. She entered the bedroom and gave a sigh of relief, hearing the shower running. She knocked on the door.

"Loki? Are you done?" she asked. She heard the shower cut off and after a few more minutes, the god stepped out of the bathroom.

She stared at the bruise on his neck.

"Is that a...a hand print?" she asked. Loki walked around her. He pulled on a pair of pants and a hoodie.

"What happened?" she asked. He glanced at her, smiling a bit.

"Fandral." he said quietly. She closed her eyes.

"Loki, you can't let this continue on. He's hurting you. This-this just can't be healthy." she said. He said nothing.

"Loki, I can't just stand here and allow that bastard to hurt you." His eyes widened.

"Y-you said you wouldn't tell!" he gasped. She shook her head.

"This is insane Loki. What Fandral is doing is a crime. He can get life in prison here. Then you'd never see him again. Ever." she said. Loki stared at her.

"But...Thor." he said. She frowned.

"Loki, Thor isn't going to be mad at you once he knows what's been happening. He might even feel a bit guilty for not knowing." Loki played with the zipper on the hoodie, shaking his head slowly.

"You don't understand. He...he'll think less of me. He won't want me anymore. I'm...damaged. He-he won't ever look at me in the same way ever again. He'll...pity me. I don't want that." Tears threatened to spill from his eyes as he spoke. She took a deep breath.

"Then that's a risk you'll have to take." she said. He sat down on the bed.

"You know if you say anything, then Thor will find out eventually." he told her. He watched her nod. He swallowed thickly.

"Wait. Please wait. Don't tell anyone right away if that is what you are planning. Wait a while." he said. She nodded.

"I won't say anything until Tony gets back in a couple days." she promised. He nodded, grateful. She turned to leave.

"Wait." he said. She raised an eyebrow.

"I might as well tell you the rest of the story." he said. She nodded.

"Alright. Do you still want to record?" she asked. Loki smiled.

"We've already recorded this far. Why not?"

She took her phone out of her pocket and waited.

"Whenever you're ready." she told him. He took a deep breath and gave a nod for her to start recording.

"We eventually found our way out of the valley. I couldn't even look at Fandral for the rest of the way." Loki shook his head.

"Did he...do it again?" Natasha asked. Loki shook his head.

"He didn't touch me. I assumed he felt guilty...but he still looked." He shook his head.

"When we returned to the palace, I didn't tell anyone. I...I was ashamed. A prince of Asgard sodomized! The other older boys were already claiming me to be an ergi."

Natasha stayed quiet, watching him tremble as he told the story. She wondered what Loki must have looked like as a child. From the stories Thor had told them, she wondered what Fandral had to have done to turn Loki into the man he was today.

* * *

_Loki was grateful when Fandral announced that he was going home for a couple of weeks. Apparently his sister had fallen ill. Loki treasured those nights when he no longer felt Fandral's lustful gaze upon his body._

_A week later, Loki awoke to the sensation of something warm and wet licking at his neck. He opened his eyes._

_Fandral stared up at him from where he was happily lapping at the boy's neck. Then he smiled, sitting back on his heels. He smoothed the wrinkles out of his riding clothes._

_"Did you miss me?" he asked pleasantly. Loki scrambled off the bed and pushed himself across the cold, marble floor. He scrambled to the door. Fandral frowned and grabbed his ankle. Loki kicked him in the face._

_"Stop it Loki." he growled, holding his bleeding nose. He was pretty sure it was broken. Loki began screaming._

_"Thor!" he cried out. Fandral tore off one of his gloves and stuffed it into his mouth. He gripped the prince's hands and forced them behind his back and waited for him to stop squirming. After a while, Loki collapsed against the floor in exhaustion._

_"Loki, I only wish to speak with you." he said. Loki tried to spit the glove out, but it was lodged too securely in his jaw. Fandral ran a hand over his bloodied face, groaning._

_"I like you Loki. I really do. But, I know you like me too." he said. Loki tried to kick him again, so Fandral pinned his leg to the floor with his knee._

_"Loki." he said, his voice warning him. Loki whimpered, trying to curl into a ball. He squeezed his eyes shut as Fandral's hands began to roam over him._

_"You're so beautiful. You know that don't you?" he asked. Loki shivered. He was growing cold on the floor._

_"You've always teased me. Ever since we met that first day. Always teasing...taunting me." Loki froze when he heard Fandral moan. He renewed his struggle again, trying to scream through the makeshift gag._

_Fandral flipped him over onto his back and placed a hand on his throat._

_"Shhh." he said. Loki was shaking with fear now. He didn't want Fandral to rape him again. He shook his head, trying to nudge him away._

_"Will you be quiet now?" Fandral asked. Loki nodded, so Fandral removed the glove._

_"Please...don't. Just leave me alone. I-I won't tell. I swear." he begged. Fandral smiled, running his thumb over Loki's lower lip._

_"You won't tell anyway. You know what will happen to Thor if he hurts me." Tears welled up in Loki's eyes._

_"Please..." he said again. Fandral sighed._

_"Now, now Loki. Be a good little boy, Loki. Be good for me."_

* * *

Loki had stopped talking and was now curled up into a fetal position at this point. Natasha didn't know what else she could do, so she pulled him close to her and stroked his hair.

"Loki, we can stop now." she said. He nodded, gasping through his tears.

"I was so stupid to trust him. But...he kept coming back. And I let him. For centuries. That's why I wanted to learn magic so badly. I worked so hard for it. I couldn't fight. Magic was my only option. And they shunned me for it." Loki sobbed and Natasha continued to stroke his back.

"Now my magic is gone and I am like a child again. Defenseless." he sobbed.

"Loki, this has to be taken care of soon." she told him. He nodded against her shoulder.

"I'm afraid of what he'll do if he finds out." Loki whispered. Natasha swallowed.

"Everything will be better after Fandral is gone. You'll see." She nudged Loki off of her, planning to grab some tissues for him. She froze, staring at the man standing at the top of the stairs. Fandral smiled warmly at her.

"Hello Natasha, what a pleasant surprise. I didn't know you were here. May I ask a reason for that?"

**Author's Note:**

> So I think this chapter could have been better. Spent a lot of time editing but see nothing else that can be done. It's a bit long, but oh well.
> 
> Also, the part about Loki's face going numb while Fandral chokes him is true. I speak from experience. Your face gets numb and tingly. Weird right? Haven't experienced the finger part, but I assume from what friends have told me that happens later on. :)
> 
> Soooo...ENJOY!


End file.
